A Support Network

The old saying that “a problem shared is a problem halved” is actually true when it comes to bereavement. Having someone who cares for you during this sensitive time will ease your pain and lighten your load. Therefore I encourage you to choose a compassionate friend or family member to become your main carer during this time.

The ideal bereavement caregiver becomes a compassionate companion to a grief-stricken person. A compassionate companion does not try to give advice or find solutions, rather, he or she sits quietly and listens on a heart level, and interjects only when necessary.

You will need to talk about what happened, and how you are feeling. Sometimes you will tell same story over and over again, and that’s okay. Repeating your story is one way of processing your sad loss. Several years ago I was watching a program on television as the father of three murdered children reflected on what life has been like after the tragedy. This man’s advice was; “Talk about an issue, never push it down.”

Social networking is a wonderful way to reach out for support. When a friend lost her son, she joined several bereavement Facebook groups for mothers who have lost children. She has found the support from people who have travelled the same journey as hers, invaluable.

Some people create a Facebook RIP page as a memorial to the one they have lost. It was a year ago when a young friend aged 18 suddenly passed away while doing a workout at the gym. Within an hour of his passing, a close friend set up a RIP J______ T______ page and hundreds of posts and photos were added by those who knew him. Even compete strangers visited this page to express their condolences.

Nearing the end of her pregnancy Brenda asked the advice of other mums and pregnant women she had befriended through a Facebook group. “I haven't felt my baby move; is this normal?” she posted on the group's page. “I asked for some advice and the ladies told me to call my midwife. We went to the hospital and found out that there was no heartbeat ... I lost my daughter.” She added, “Amazing things started happening. These strangers I had never met started fundraising for my partner and I to help us get through… Every day I was getting hundreds of ladies sending me loving, kind messages on Facebook - people I had never met. The support was overwhelming.”

I have created a Facebook page for the bereaved. The name of it is “Compassionate Bereavement Services”, and several times a week I post something that is comforting, validating or encouraging for the community of bereaved people who have joined this group.

Last year an acquaintance lost her husband in a car accident. She is an avid blogger and has continued with the blog. Instead of sharing about everyday life on the farm, she now offloads the pain in her heart to her audience. A lot of people are following her and she receives comforting messages on her page on a daily basis.

You may choose to join a local support group. Some people who have participated in bereavement support groups say the experience gave them an emotional connection particularly when they felt isolated from friends and family.

Furthermore, support groups provide the opportunity for bereaved people to release emotions they may otherwise keep to themselves. Sadly support groups are scarce. You may need to travel further afield to find this form of support.

There are a number of people who are trained to help grief-stricken people. Some of these are chaplains, counsellors, psychologists and members of the clergy.

Here are some phone numbers of organizations that provide support:

Lifeline 131114

Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement 1300 664 786

National Association for Grief and Loss

02 6882 9222

Beyond Blue 1300 224 636

Grief helpline (03) 9935 7400

Bereavement Care Centre 1300 654 556

StandBy Response Service 0417119298 (suicide bereavement support)

Websites:

Losing a child to cancer - www.redkite.org.au

Loss of a baby - www.bearsofhope.org.au