Self-care – Physical
You will need to focus on taking care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually during this sad time.
Grieving people have an increased vulnerability to infections, and are more susceptible to contracting the common cold or influenza. A contributing factor is they fail to take care of themselves and therefore they become physically rundown.
Here are a number of ways you can care for yourself physically:
Sleep:
You will need to have sufficient sleep. “Sleep disturbance is common in bereaved individuals and may lead to poor physical and mental health outcomes. Many facets of the bereavement situation contribute to sleep disturbance.”1
Ideas to prepare one’s body for sleep:
Warm bath just before bed time.
Ensure you are warm enough.
Ensure you have a cozy blanket / sheets / pillow.
Have a drink of warm milk just before bed time.
Avoid sugar and caffeine during afternoon and evenings.
Place a lavender sachet under your pillow.
Visualize being in a relaxing place.
Have a soft night light on.
You can condition yourself to fall asleep to guided imagery, using pre-recorded audio programs with soothing music and voice tones. This is better than using medication. 2
Rest:
Try not to suppress your grief by keeping busy all the time. You will need to have times of rest and solitude. Knowing how to relax reduces stress and will help you feel more calm and capable.
A simple, yet effective way to relax is this:
You start by eliminating all noise and disturbances. Turn off the stove, the iron, the washing machine etc. If you have little ones, put them in front of a favourite DVD (one that you save especially for these occasions), and ask them to please not disturb you.Put your mobile phone on silent mode.
Then go to a special place you like to be; somewhere where you feel safe and comfortable. Here are some ideas: a hammock, bed, favourite chair, bubble bath with soft candle light, etc.
Relax your body by closing your eyes and concentrating on taking slow deep even breaths. Short, shallow breathing places an enormous strain on your body. It reduces oxygen supply to the brain and increases the heart rate. Shallow breathing activates the nervous system, while deep steady breathing calms a person down.
Roll your neck to loosen stiffness, and allow your body to go floppy. Slip off your shoes. Be comfortable! If you have sore eyes, apply a slice of cucumber or a cold tea bag for a few moments. If you are hot, cool down to a comfortable temperature. If you are cold, warm up and feel cosy.
You may choose to daydream by imagining yourself in a serene healing pace or you may decide to do to something you really enjoy doing (i.e. art, reading a book, watching a feel-good movie, writing in a journal etc.).
After this time of rest you will have a sense of calmness and you will be able to cope far better even though your heart is breaking.
Water:
It is vital that you increase your water intake. Drinking over two litres a day will keep you sufficiently hydrated. Being dehydrated can sap your energy and make you feel tired. You will need more water if you have cried a lot. Bananas will replace the potassium that you lose from crying.
Eating well:
It is important that a grief-stricken person eats a healthy diet and does not fall into the habit of ‘comfort eating’. Comfort eating is when you eat to fill an emotional need rather than to satisfy hunger. On the other hand, some people who are grieving find they have a suppressed appetite and are not eating a sufficient amount of nutritious food. Both extremes must be avoided.
Exercise:
If possible go for walks and keep your body moving. Exercise releases chemicals called endorphins into one’s blood stream. These positively affect a person’s overall sense of well-being. There is evidence that physically fit people have less extreme physiological responses when under pressure than those who are not.
Outdoors:
Watching a sunset, listening to the waves of the sea, lying on the grass and looking at the clouds, sitting by a quiet stream, listening to the birds, watching the clouds are all very therapeutic for someone in mourning.
Supplements:
If your energy levels are low, you may need a multi vitamin or iron supplement. I recommend having a talk to a health professional to ascertain what is best for you. The idea of using prescribed medication in order to supress the grief is not recommended by the author, nor is the use of alcohol or illicit drugs. There are some isolated cases where a doctor has decided his or her grieving client may need medication to act as a buffer against the intensity of the grief, and I have known some people who revert to sleeping pills to ensure they get a good nights’ sleep during their season of mourning. These should only be used in extreme circumstances under the watchful eye of their doctor.
Remember, grief is not an illness; it’s natural to mourn deeply when a loved one passes away.
1. Sleep Disturbance in Bereavement - Timothy H. Monk, PhD, DSc, Anne Germain http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2826218/3.
2. Some of these are Sleep through Insomnia: Meditations to Quiet the Mind & Still the Body, by KRS Edstrom; Sleep Better, by Michael Reed Gach; and A Meditation to Help You with Healthful Sleep, by Belleruth Naparstek.